38 – Why I Lost My Membershipfeatured

Have you ever come across an accident while driving? Whether the traffic is moving in your direction or the other, cars slow down and people “rubberneck” to see what they can see. How much damage is there? Who hit who? Is anyone hurt?

THE TEMPTATION TO ANALYZE

Which aspect of the collision you are most concerned with will vary based on your background. Many will be thinking of how much damage there is to cars and property – and how much repairs will cost. If you are an insurance broker or lawyer, you likely wonder who is to blame. If you have ever had a loved one injured or killed in an accident, you will likely be wondering primarily about the health of the participants.

Even with experience in each aspect of accident analysis, the full vision is not always immediately in focus. Damage repair and healing often create a new “normal”. Sometimes the car comes out of the repair shop looking brand new but there is now a subtle rattle at 60 miles an hour when the road is wet – it is just what that car does now. Sometimes the individual comes home after a couple of surgeries and carries on with life but has a sore neck every afternoon at 4:15. Sometimes the true cause of the accident is never determined, we just know it happened.

Correspondingly, it is common when someone hears of another’s sin, that they wonder similar questions. What did Bill do? Why would he do that? Do you really think he did it? All very compelling and interesting questions, yet ultimately, none of this is relevant to the current need Bill (and possibly others involved in the “collision”) has for help – for ministering in a Christlike way. The desire to “get the juicy details” is more like rubbernecking, and just like at the scene of a car accident, rubbernecking creates additional hazards. We often slow down more than is required, cause others to slow or swerve to avoid us, and risk getting into our own accidents.

WHY DID I LOSE MY MEMBERSHIP?

It is uncommon, but I have been asked why I lost my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I know there are also those asking people other than me for the details.  I have thought about how to best address the questions.  I don’t mind sharing the reason I was provided with by my Church leadership. According to the letter the Stake President sent, It was for “Conduct contrary to the laws and order of the Church”.  Does that satisfy or help the onlookers? Probably not.  As for the particulars, I have chosen not to share those for several reasons:

• There are a very select few that I have shared the details with. Half of those have, either directly or indirectly, told me they don’t believe what I shared. Why would I put myself through that experience again if people are not going to believe me anyway? 

• The process of telling my story would necessarily involve me delving into details explaining my actions and putting things in context. Explaining the context of my wrong decisions would make it look to some that I am not taking enough accountability. But it would not feel fair to me to not share “my side” once I start. I am not sure I even understand my full story yet. As with a car accident, factors come to light that are not always apparent in the beginning. I now see more of what was going on in my life that led to my choices, but I still don’t think I understand the full accident scene of my story.

• Telling “my truth” (a horrible phrase) unavoidably involves other people. Sharing a more complete story might make others look bad to some, and I don’t have the right or the desire to do that. Doing so might give me more to repent of. Even writing this point makes me feel a little edgy, but it factors into the silence I keep. Who am I to share things that would potentially negatively impact another and what others may think of them?

• There are a few people who would be upset if I did not tell my story the way they want me to. I know that from experience. That would only lead to keeping gossip and judgement alive, and muddying of the water even more.

The thought of telling my story feels as though I am standing in front of a minefield, and I see no upside to tiptoeing through it. It is sufficient to say that I have sinned, and I am working on the repentance process. That is all that matters. Even though it is embarrassing and hard, I will not give up on this. Thankfully, because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, it is also incredibly rewarding!

FOCUSSING ON THE HEALING

Healing from an automobile accident does not always bring us back to the physical and emotional health we had been accustomed to. I knew a girl in middle school who lost her arm in a rollover. Another friend fell asleep at the wheel and caused the death of a girl in another car.  His guilt and anxiety continue to weigh on him every time he is in a vehicle. Fortunately, healing from sin through the Atonement of Jesus Christ can always bring us back like the Six Million Dollar Man of the 80’s – better, faster, stronger. A better person than we were. Faster to forgive and love others. Stronger in the face of adversity and temptation.

I am amazed that those closest to me have never asked “What did you do?”, instead they have frequently and sincerely asked, “How are you doing?”. They are not the ones poking around the crash site trying to find the evidence of guilt.  They are calling on the phone or making sure to ask me how I am doing at our “hospital” of spiritual healing.  They are lifting my spirits and bringing portions of the Spirit to help me heal. 

ANOTHER MISSION STORY APPLYING TO LIFE

While on my mission a visiting general authority had missionaries prepare and pass the sacrament at a midweek zone conference. He taught us that we could evaluate our spiritual relationship with God by noticing where our thoughts go while the sacrament is passed. Since that day I have always tried to close my eyes, bow my head, and do my own “check-in” whenever the sacrament is administered. When I catch my thoughts straying, I refocus on our Savior Jesus Christ.

I can also gauge how well I am doing on my path of learning and growth by reflecting on where my thoughts go when I hear incomplete information about another person. If I hear someone has been in a proverbial car accident, I would like to be less concerned about what the accident scene looks like or who was to blame and more focused on the well-being and healing of those involved – and how I can help.

That is what those in the Fellowship of the Forgiven would do (see Post 7 “Well, Since You Asked”), and I want to be more like them – more like my Savior.

*I would love to hear your thoughts on this post. Did It bother you that I did not give details, or was the formal reason given by the stake president enough? I had a stake president friend who loved to say, “You only have to confess once – to your bishop or stake president.” It bothered him that so many people felt they had the right to hear a full confession from the sinner. 

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