24 – What is a Contrite Spirit – and Who is Going to Break My Heart?featured

A major responsibility of a Judge in Israel is to determine if someone has repented. He must decide if there is more to do before allowing them to once again take the Sacrament – or get rebaptized. A challenge for one repenting is knowing if they have repented enough.

WHEN HAVE YOU REPENTED OF THAT SIN?

As you can tell from my other posts, I am all about using analogies to better understand the Gospel of Jesus Christ or help process the frustrations that are sometimes found in the Church culture experience. One phrase that I have often found intriguing in the scriptures is “a broken heart and contrite spirit”. This is the term used to describe the state of mind and spirit we are in when we are truly repentant. ‘A broken heart and contrite spirit’ is what Church leaders are supposed to look for when determining if someone has completed the repentance process for a particular sin. We hear the phrase used frequently.  But what does it really mean?

A CONTRITE SPIRIT

Let’s first look at the contrite spirit. Contrite is defined as, “showing sincere remorse or being filled with a sense of guilt and a desire for atonement” (dictionary.com). For some, feeling remorse with a desire for atonement with Jesus Christ will come very easily. Some of us felt this immediately after our sin was committed. As a young single adult bishop, I would sometimes get contacted in the middle of the week by an individual who had done something the night before, and already their remorse led them to call me. Some of us slowly work our way from questionable thoughts to significant sin – justifying our actions as we go – until we are mired in confusion. We are not sure where to stop feeling the hurt that led to the sin, and where to start feeling remorse for our actions. Some are beyond feeling any remorse for their sin and see no need to change. 

Where are you on that scale today? In my last post, I discussed the difference between spirits bodies and brains. Being contrite is not accomplished through a mental process of calculating how to best show the bishop or stake president that you are sorry for your actions. Rather, we need to feel motivated by true remorse and the recognition of how we have distanced ourselves from our Saviour and from His guiding and comforting Spirit. If today you do not feel that measure of remorse, you can be helped to get there by talking things through with your bishop. His role is to help you access the blessings of the atonement and strengthen your relationship with the Savior. Some of the steps in that process may sound very basic – even like Primary answers – but if you pray to be guided, and then follow that guidance, you will find real growth. It is doable, it can be painful, but it will be valuable.

HOW DOES A BROKEN HEART FIT INTO THIS?

in a video talking about his book “The Divine Gift of Repentance”, Elder Neal L. Anderson describes having a broken heart and a contrite spirit as being childlike, with a submission of our will to His.

Elder Bruce C. Porter in his October 2007 conference talk states that “When our hearts are broken, we are completely open to the Spirit of God and recognize our dependence on Him for all that we have and all that we are.”

You and I – and everyone – need to develop a broken heart and a contrite spirit in life. 

AREN’T BROKEN HEARTS A HIGH SCHOOL THING?

When I think of broken hearts I think of high school and the dating and breakups that happen regularly. Sometimes a relationship will only last for a few weeks before fizzling, while others last for years. Some couples seem to be destined to be together, yet go through many breakups and reconnections along the way. There are life lessons in those breakups.

Everyone goes into a relationship with some measure of hope, although what that hope is based on can differ from person to person. Some hope borders on the superficial, like getting gifts, social status, or more fun on a Friday night. Some hopes are deeper, like looking for companionship, a life partner or a “happy ever after”. It is fun to start a new relationship, and when done properly, it is a rewarding thing to nurture and grow.

When that relationship dies – either before or at the breakup – the loss of hope hurts. Sometimes, it is for the best that it is over, and allows the individual to learn what they want in the next partner, or what they can do differently to make the next relationship work better. Sometimes – and this is what hurts the most – there is “the one that got away”. This is the partner who goes on to live a very fulfilling life without them. The one they compare all other relationships to. The one that leaves them always wondering “what might have been”. 

HEARTBREAKS CAN BE USED FOR GOOD

Those are the relationships that hurt the most to lose. The individual is heartbroken. The experience can put them in a tailspin that leaves a mark on their heart for the rest of their lives. Some feel an emptiness, and some let it build to resentment – or even anger. And some use the heartbreak to grow. 

A broken heart is humbling. It tears off the confidence one had and forces them to reconsider who they are and what they want. As a bishop, I saw broken hearts in marriages. Sometimes it led to divorce, but other times it led to a very raw and intense point where people became very humble, and willing to make whatever changes were required for the marriage to work. Such an experience requires stripping away pride and finding trust amid fear. And the relationship comes out stronger for the experience.

What if we look at our relationship with Jesus Christ through that same lens for a minute? There are several points in the scriptures where Jesus puts us in a relationship with Him. He even refers to Himself as the Bridegroom, and those in His Church as the bride.

MY BAD

In that light, you and I have, through our sin, jeopardized our relationship with Him. It’s not like He did anything wrong. We did. Maybe we were in the relationship for the wrong reason. Maybe we got lazy and stopped putting in the effort. Maybe we got selfish and wanted something that He, in His wisdom, did not provide. Whatever the reason, our relationship is at a pivotal point, and we are in control of where it goes.

Take the lessons we learned from the high school relationship scenario and consider your future. What does life look like without a relationship with Jesus Christ? Perhaps there are ways you think you will be better off without Him. Maybe you feel you can find someone or something else to fill your sense of identity, or maybe you plan to stay “single” from now on. The reality is you will fill that lost relationship with someone or something else. It is inevitable. But, will that someone or something love you unconditionally? Will it help you find your best self? Will it show you possibilities that you never considered? I’m not trying to guilt-trip you into staying in the relationship, I’m just calling it as I see it.

Personally, I do not want my relationship with Jesus Christ to be “the one that got away”. I know that I have hurt people through my actions; people I love and people He loves. One consequence is that my relationship with Him has been impacted. It wasn’t Him, it was me – He never changed or stopped loving me or doing his part.  I did. At some point, I stopped trusting that relationship. I stopped trusting Him.  I went solo. 

WHAT AM I RISKING?

Jesus Christ has been so good to me throughout my life. I have had so many wonderful experiences that I can directly attribute to Him. There is no doubt in my mind that He has done far more for me than I have any knowledge of. Not only has He been good to me in the past, but a future with Him would be amazing – especially after this life is done!

What have I done to myself? What am I about to lose if I mess this relationship up further? The craziest thing is that He does not hate me for my sins. He loves me unconditionally. He has not and will not ever change.  God is Love (1 John 4:8).  It is who He is and, because of who He is, He wants to help me grow through this. He wants to still be in a relationship with me. He’s just waiting for me to realize that I want that too.

As we have heard, All he really requires from me is a broken heart and a contrite spirit. Bruce Porter went on in his talk to say “Christ’s example teaches us that a broken heart is an eternal attribute of godliness. When our hearts are broken, we are completely open to the Spirit of God and recognize our dependence on Him for all that we have and all that we are.”

WHAT A BROKEN HEART LOOKS LIKE

People in high school looking to rebuild a relationship with someone become consumed with that individual. They constantly think about them, the relationship they once had, and dream of building it back better and stronger. They talk with their crush’s friends to learn all they can. They put themselves in places that person goes and refocus interest in what is important to that person. They do anything and everything they can think of to determine where they went wrong and what they can do to correct it.

You and I need to become consumed with rebuilding our relationship with Jesus Christ. We need to study His Gospel and be among His friends to understand Him better than we do now. We need to put ourselves in places He frequents. The good news is that although our actions have damaged our relationship, He has not changed His love for you one iota.

If you still hope for a relationship that can carry you through life’s ups and downs with greater understanding. If you still hope for peace in a world full of contention and chaos. If you still want to feel unconditionally loved, get to know Jesus Christ better than you did before. He wants you and me back. Of all the relationships you can have, don’t let the one with Jesus Christ be the one that got away.

Oh, and I have heard that if you still want Him, He is still available…