7 – Well, Since you asked…featured

TWO OF MY CENTS

Ok since you asked – or at least opened this post with that title – I will share my first bit of advice:

Forgive everyone for everything ASAP.

“For, if ye forgive men their trespasses your heavenly Father will also forgive you; But if ye forgive not men their trespasses neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

                                                                                                                           3 Nephi 13:14–15

Can you do it? What does forgiveness look like to you? Has your view of forgiveness changed since everything around you blew up? Mine has. Not that I didn’t understand it before, but now, having felt judgement so sharply, I am terrified of how my judgement of others can severely hinder my forgiveness with God. Hear me through on this.

Perhaps it will help you forgive others to look at your own situation. People are judging you who may not understand what you did or what led you to do it. You may not yet even fully understand why you did what you did! As time passes I better understand my actions and the motivations for my sin. Is it fair to say that if others do not fully know your story, you may not know the full story behind someone else’s actions?

Further to this, Elder Dale G Renlund counselled:

“…to effectively serve others we must see them through a parent’s eyes, through Heavenly Father’s eyes. Only then can we begin to comprehend the true worth of a soul. Only then can we sense the love that Heavenly Father has for all of His children. Only then can we sense the Savior’s caring concern for them. We cannot completely fulfill our covenant obligation to mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort unless we see them through God’s eyes. This expanded perspective will open our hearts to the disappointments, fears, and heartaches of others. But Heavenly Father will aid and comfort us…”

       Through Gods Eyes General Conference Oct 2015

PERSPECTIVE MATTERS

I recall a conversation I had with my patriarch in the temple one day. He had me stand in one spot in the Celestial room and look up at the cornice running around the pillars at the ceiling. He pointed out how the angles looked correct on some of the corners, but on the corresponding ones, they looked wrong. He then had me stand so I was looking directly at the pillars. Now they all looked uniform and proper. Finally, he had me stand in a corner and look at the chandelier which appeared to twist and even lean a little to one side as it hung so far down from the ceiling. Again, we relocated so I could see it straight on and all was proper. He proceeded to teach me that where we stand will affect our view of things. If we are not standing in holy places, things that are right may appear to be somehow wrong, and we can be deceived.

I suspect that where you now stand is influencing your view of what forgiveness really is, and what you really want to experience. It has for me.

“Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.”

                                                                                                Doctrine and Covenants 64:9–10

BEWARE OF THE GREATER SIN

Did you catch that? If I don’t forgive “my brother” of his trespasses the greater sin is in me!?!?!?! I was talking this through with a man one day and he asked if I thought this meant that not forgiving someone of murder is worse than committing murder. We kind of develop a mindset in the Church that the three worst sins are adultery, followed by murder, and the worst of the worst is denying the Holy Spirit after having received it. (Doctrine and Covenants 76:35)

Is it possible that not forgiving someone of murder is worse than the murder itself? I never thought so before – but think about it. I cannot speak to what your experience is like, but mine has had some very uncomfortable aspects. I have had people wonder how I can be happy, and how I can still attend Church each week. I have people phone other people just to tell them what they had heard about me; Not things they heard from me, things about me. Some people have cut me out of their lives, some because they are hurting, but others have judged me based on rumors they have heard about me. These are members of the Church. I’m not looking for sympathy, just sharing to make my point.

When we don’t forgive, we push people away. We label them and we condemn them. Our actions may play a part in what feels like shoving individuals away from the Church. This,  in turn, may lead to their never working out their repentance, thus to facing a spiritual death.

At the same time, you hinder your own progress and access to the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Every sin any of us commits, be it big or small, requires His Atonement to wipe it from our lives. Hanging on to what others have done, whether that action directly affects you or not, will still impede your happiness, your view of what really matters, and above all, your complete repentance through His Atonement. That can lead to your spiritual death. It’s that way for every one of us.

In the teachings of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, physical death is a separation until the resurrection, and spiritual death is eternal.

We cannot hold tight to another’s sins and become of a Celestial nature, let the Savior Jesus Christ take that burden.

Forgiving ourselves and forgiving others are inseparably connected. It is a merry-go-round that does not stop – so just jump on and get working on it. There will always be something you can improve on, and there will always be situations and people giving you the opportunity to let go of something. Forgiving is a gift we can develop. Forgiving others helps us understand the grace and love of Jesus Christ in a powerful way.

THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE FORGIVEN

As I have been working through this loss of my Church membership, I have discovered a group of people who have quietly been going around lifting and supporting others. They are not organized, yet are highly effective and dearly loved by some (while overlooked by many). They have inspired, edified and blessed my life immensely.

I have given them a nickname, The Fellowship of the Forgiven.

 These are people who have accepted the Lord’s forgiveness, often while others have not wanted to forgive them. They are people who try each day to direct their behaviour toward others in a way that is not judging or condemning. They have felt the shame, regret and sorrow you may now feel, and then made the necessary changes in their own lives that led to their deep love for God and others. Because of their experiences, they feel a true Christlike charity towards you and me as we go through these steps. They are also more tolerant and rarely judgemental of others who have yet to realize their need to change.

Not all these members have gone through Church discipline, but they have all fully repented of something, paid the price, and continually seek to adjust their lives in a way that will draw them closer to Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father. They understand true repentance. They have compassion towards you without concern for what you may have done wrong, they only care to help you feel like you matter to them – and you do!

Because they have felt true forgiveness, they do not wish for your life to be harder and would not say or do anything that would make it so. They do not run around flashing their “Fellowship” credentials, but neither do they shy away from showing compassion in their own way when they come across someone who is hurting. When I find one of these people my heart is lifted, and I find myself drawn to their fellowship. They increase my love for and desire to be more like Jesus Christ.

RENT-FREE ACCOMMODATION

Years ago I first heard the expression, “Don’t let someone live in your head rent-free”. When you let someone’s past actions rattle around in your brain, you are trading your valuable time to think, grow and enjoy life so you can dwell on someone else’s sin. People or actions that you don’t agree with can steal your peace of mind, metaphorically living there rent-free. There is no revenge you can seek that will remove that person or their action from your mind – revenge, real or fantasized will only expand the rental space used. 

So again, I would encourage you to forgive others. Stop keeping score. Let go. Let others work on their own lives and you focus on what you can do to improve your own life. Perhaps you can even try to offer them the same respect those who are in the Fellowship of the Forgiven offer to you just as they do – without care for the sin or offence committed. 

I would love to be able to help others feel the love I feel through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

*Please comment below – and follow me on Instagram at onesheep.blog to help me find others who have lost their membership!