29 – Part 2 Repentance and Forgiveness – Have We Put the Cart in Front of the Horse?featured

In the Old Testament days, there were so many rules and we saw sin having immediate consequences – much like it is for a small child. Once the Savior came, we saw a change in “parenting styles”. It was no longer the 600+ rules of the Old Testament, yet more was expected, and consequences were slower in coming – much like it is for a teenager. This created a scenario where people who stuck with the Gospel more likely did it because they chose to rather than because of a heavier and more controlling hand. In this last dispensation, is the Lord nudging us towards a higher and holier way of repenting; a more perfect or complete way of creating growth in an individual?

I am not talking about a different Doctrine of Jesus Christ, but about seeing the same Doctrine in a more pure light. Let’s look at Jesus and His teachings directly.

THE TEACHINGS AND EXAMPLES FROM JESUS

In Matthew 18:24-33 we read the parable of a man with a debt he simply could never repay. His lord gave him the requirement to have his debt erased. Sell everything, including his wife and children, and give it all to his lord. The man begged for patience while he worked to repay the debt and his lord “was moved with compassion, loosed him, and forgave him the debt.” But then the forgiven man went on to deal harshly with another individual who owed him money. 

The Lord had tried to help this man repent in a higher and holier way. Forgiveness was granted before there was any change in the man; before there was repentance. Because the man did not move on to repent once forgiveness was granted, his lord saw to it that he had to pay a consequence for not properly receiving the forgiveness. He was again back to the requirement of paying the full debt. How would that man’s life have been different had he chosen to emulate the life of his lord rather than dropping back into a payment plan that he could never overcome on his own?

In John 8:2-11 we read of a woman who was taken in adultery and brought before Jesus. The scribes and Pharisees were looking for a lesson from Him on repentance but then left the “classroom” before the lesson was finished. Certainly, He taught us to not judge another because we all sin, but He also taught that He did not condemn the woman for her sin.  Indeed, all He asked of her was to “go, and sin no more”, an injunction for her to begin the process of change. We don’t know if she did or not, but if that was you in that situation would you be more purely motivated toward lasting change because of the fear of being stoned, or because of the love and forgiveness you felt from Jesus?

Not only did Christ teach forgiveness, but He also lived it. As he hung on the cross suffering, with people around Him mocking and even casting lots for His clothing, He said “Forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34. Before they were even done sinning or had a chance for remorse, Jesus forgave them. We, like them, have no idea just how much damage we are doing to ourselves and others when we sin. Those who do know what they are doing get no such forgiveness. “Concerning whom I have said there is no forgiveness in this world nor in the world to come – Having denied the Holy Spirit after having received it, and having denied the Only Begotten Son of the Father, having crucified him unto themselves and put him to an open shame. These are they who shall go away into the lake of fire and brimstone, with the devil and his angels – And the only ones on whom the second death shall have any power” D&C 76:34-37

WE LIKE THAT CHECKLIST

Active members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have become comfortable with the long-held standard of repentance. It is a checklist that makes sense to us, and we find a pattern we trust in it. The steps are this:

Acknowledge the sin.

Feel Godly sorrow.

Confess the sin to your bishop if the sin could jeopardize your standing in the Church.

Stop the sinful behavior – or start a necessary behavior.

Make restitution with the appropriate people where possible.

Move forward without repeating the sin.

Consider yourself – or have your bishop declare you – as forgiven

DOES IT REALLY WORK THIS WAY?

I ask you, what does being forgiven in step 7 mean? Are you now worthy of the Celestial Kingdom? Certainly not. There are still experiences to have, which will inevitably have us fall short again and require further repentance. President Russell M. Nelson has stated that “Nothing is more liberating, more ennobling, or more crucial to our individual progression than is a regular, daily focus on repentance.”  We Can Do and Be Better April 2019. Surely, this is true. But, if we are to repent daily, does that require us to seek out forgiveness, step 7, each time we go through a measure of change? Is forgiveness truly only granted as an end-product that is somehow “earned” by how well we pursue the checklist?

How much change or repenting do we need to accomplish before we are to focus on being forgiven, so we can feel complete and move forward? What if I was not as attentive last Thursday, and did not go through repenting of yelling at the person who cut me off in traffic – do I repent of that today or wait until it happens again and combine them? What if I have not even tried for 6 months – or 6 years, and the list of daily things to repent of is beyond what I can even remember? 

Are the Lord’s accountants that detailed? Is this really what it is all about; an ever-growing checklist of things to feel bad about? Do we have a God who claims to love us but would have us feel as though we are slipping further out of reach every day if we do not constantly reconcile our sins against our application of all 7 repentance steps?

HOW MANY GIVE UP BECAUSE OF THIS?

The word scrupulosity is gaining traction and refers to a moral OCD (or obsessive-compulsive disorder). It is where people become so fixated on living every last detail of what they consider the law to a perfect degree to be acceptable to God. Thereby they earn His approval or meet the requirements for salvation. It is easy to see how looking at forgiveness as a reward that is only granted when every last sin is repented of can create a neurotic obsession in some, and an “I give up” attitude in others. 

I find that this checklist method of working out our Salvation through repenting and doing our best in our callings – which can be motivating and exciting when first adopted – can create burnout and even turn us off from trying anymore. Children grow up trying so hard to please parents and God but inevitably fall short. The parenting model is “hit-and-miss” as parents’ methods do not always align with their children’s personalities. The Church model can also feel that way. Especially when one bishop or stake president can have different requirements constituting what earns forgiveness than another. 

A GREAT SOURCE FOR EXAMPLES

But what if we have put the cart in front of the Horse?

There is a podcast called the Come Back Podcast with host Ashly Stone. Ashly herself was out of the Church for quite some time and living a life inconsistent with Gospel teachings even though she had been taught the Gospel of Jesus Christ as a child. After fighting against addiction for years, she decided to turn to Jesus for help in a sincere way.  And that help came. It motivated her and she found the resolve to change. She now hosts this podcast interviewing people who have left the Church for various reasons and then returned. The common thread in all these lives is that people come to a point where they sincerely turn to God for help, and they immediately feel it. That feeling they got in response to their fully committed plea for help was then what drove them to change, to repent. They came to realize that, not only is Jesus real, but so is His Atonement.

PONDER THIS

What if we were to identify that moment of turning to Christ as “accepting, or receiving, His forgiveness”? Once we truly allow ourselves to receive the love and forgiveness He offers, we immediately tap into the power of the Atonement and the hopelessness disappears. What if God’s forgiveness is not granted as a reward for accomplishing a checklist or proving you are worthy of forgiving?  What if it is part of His nature as a perfectly loving and compassionate parent that such a gift is freely given to anyone who sincerely turns to Him? Then how we accept that gift is revealed in how we live our lives from that point on. And therein, more purely motivates our opportunity to change and become.

Because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we all are being resurrected and will go to a degree of glory. If we do nothing with that gift and live our whole lives without turning to the Savior,  He still lovingly offers us a degree of glory. Scriptures tell us that even the Telestial kingdom “surpasses all understanding” D&C 76:89. I say lovingly because that is where we will be most comfortable, it is better than this life, and it is where our “peep’s” would be. We would be amongst the people we are most like, who are not necessarily the people we like most.

Ashly’s guests demonstrate that change is possible when we recognize and internalize the forgiveness freely offered by Jesus. Like the man with great debt or the woman taken in adultery, it now becomes an opportunity to feel that forgiveness and then use it as motivation to become like the Gift-Giver Himself.

THE MOTIVATIONS FOR CHANGE

In the past, people have often chosen to repent because they had seen that others who did not do so faced severe and abrupt punishment – like being turned to salt or flooded off the land.  Sometimes people have changed because they feared facing eternity without their family or wanted a bigger mansion in heaven. Until now we have not worried as much about why people are motivated to change, we just want them to change. 

What if you and I choose to change for a different reason? Why don’t we start by recognizing that Heavenly Father knew we were going to make mistakes as part of gaining experience, so His plan was to send Jesus to Atone for those sins? Next, we can move away from seeing forgiveness as a reward. It is a gift offered without merit on our part, but because of the nature of our Divine Parents and through the merits of our Saviour. What if we allow ourselves to accept that gift of forgiveness today, open ourselves to feel Their immense love for us, and move forward choosing to do a little better each day? Imagine what that would do for your perspective on life, and God!

IF YOU LOVE A CHECKLIST

If you find yourself the type to function best with a Checklist, how about this:

1. Recognize our sin
2. Feel true sorrow for our actions and realize there is nothing we can do to fully correct the damage done to ourselves – and likely others.
3. Turn to Jesus Christ for help.
4. Accept His Forgiveness that has been made possible through His Atonement and allow ourselves to feel His love for us.
5. Use that love to make important changes in our lives, to make restitution where necessary – and possible – with others, and to live more how Christ lives. In so doing grow your relationship with Him.

What if each morning we recognize Jesus has already paid the price and forgiven our sins; and we make a commitment to become more like Him that day because of the love he has shown us? What if we worry less about a checklist and more about who we are becoming? And then just maybe when the day comes that we are welcomed to our new home in the eternities it will be in His neighborhood. I find it feels right for me to worry less about the reward or “earning” forgiveness and more about becoming like the Gift-Giver Himself.

He is AMAZING!

*In Part 3 of this post, I will break down the various thoughts and observations that have led to this post