28 – Part 1 Repentance and Forgiveness – Patterns in Parentingfeatured

This post has taken a lot more thought and prayer than the others. I do not want to write anything doctrinally incorrect, and I have been compelled to look deeper at the long-held practice of repenting to receive forgiveness. I am looking to find an understanding of the feelings and experiences I have had through the past 3+ years. How do I feel the degree of love and guidance I feel when I am not fully through the repentance process yet? Please read this prayerfully and see if it meets the test of Moroni 7:13. “But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God.”

Stick with me on this – you may find it empowering as you work on finding forgiveness.

RAISING A HUMAN

A newborn baby chooses if it will laugh, cry or just stare, and that’s it. It simply reacts to what it is feeling in this new body. It does not know what it wants or even how to ask for the thing if it did. It cannot even decide when or how to go to the bathroom.

The responsibility falls on the parent to protect and nurture that beautiful baby from the day it is born until it is legally able to stand up for itself in every way. The goal is to guide the growing child to become able to make all of their decisions wisely and for the right reasons. There is no handbook for this process, and every child comes with their own personality that will begin to show soon enough. Parenting corrections with toddlers are often done quickly and dramatically. Throw a tantrum and they likely get lifted against their will and placed in a Graco prison until their behavior warrants freedom enough to get their toy back.

As children grow, parents try all sorts of ways to teach and motivate, often in different ways for each child. Then come the teen years. The ‘good’ child does what it is asked when it is asked with no pushback, the ‘dream’ child won’t even need to be asked. Most go through short or long phases, where positive or negative reinforcements are used, and sometimes penalties are applied. “You can have this if you do that”, “No, because you didn’t do what I asked”, or “Because you did that you can’t go out for a week”. The average parent does not have the money to reward good behavior with their teenager’s latest want, and the “Nos” and punishments often add to contention in the home – which can lead to the teen further rebelling, sneaking out, or running away.

I see a similarity to raising a child when I look at the history of Heavenly Father’s interaction with humankind.

RAISING ALL HUMAN-KIND

In the beginning, there were Adam and Eve. Our first parents had no family culture to grow up in nor older siblings for them to pattern behavior after. They were in the Garden of Eden for a period and received some instruction, but soon were off – on wobbly knees with a veil over their minds – to start life as mortals. In time their children were given rules. Lots of them. There were the occasional groups, like the city of Enoch, where people excelled, but generally, we slowly moved on to more responsibility for ourselves.

We have progressed in our development, understanding, and opportunity, and, in that sense, become more like teenagers.  Concurrently, the method of parenting by our heavenly parents, has changed with the needs and development of their earthly children. Thus, we have moved from an Old Testament model of all encompassing checklists and rules with tangible and imminent penalties for disobedience wherein you could get turned to salt, be swallowed by a whale, or even lose your life in a flood.

Things changed dramatically when Jesus taught the Good News of the Gospel and then again with the restoration in 1820.  He provided a higher method of knowing and understanding the underlying principles and letting that understanding be the impetus for our actions.  Instead of immediately punishing us for our missteps and disobedience, the God of the New Testament demonstrated a very different parenting style – just like one would for a teenager who is ready for a little more freedom. There are still expectations and laws to govern our behavior, but also more room to make mistakes and to learn responsibility and accountability for our own choices. Jesus taught us foundational truths and we are choosing how to live with the consequences not always as immediate as turning to salt. 

PARENTING PATTERNS IN RELIGION

There are many schools of thought about how to help people through the perils of mortality and human agency.  Some religious leaders focus on the rewards for good behavior to motivate their parishioners, while others focus more on fear and threats. “If you repent you can go to heaven”, or “If you don’t repent you will not be with your family in the eternities”. Just like in parenting, where different methods seem to work with different children. 

You and I, as we go through this repentance process, would do well to consider how we react to those different ‘parenting’ styles and what motivates us to grow. What method did you best respond to with your parents? Is that the same method you are more likely to listen to God? As you consider making the changes you need to make in order to be rebaptized, what is your motivation? Are you trying to avoid being put in the Telestial or Terrestrial Kingdom without your loved ones as a punishment, or are you working to be rewarded, with an eternal increase in a beautiful mansion on some grand estate and your grandkids next door? Perhaps you have a more temporal motivation, like making your aging parents happy with you again.

As we draw closer to the end of our “teenage years” in our worldwide spiritual development, I can see the Lord inspiring the leaders of the Church to move us into the refining stages; all in preparation for how we really are supposed to be as sons and daughters destined to become like our Heavenly Parents. As we talked about in Post 27, we are being taught how to live in a “higher and holier way”. President Russell M Nelson Closing Remarks Oct 2019

THE HIGHER AND HOLIER APPLICATION

When I started home-teaching there was a five to seven-page article at the front of the Ensign magazine each month that we would study and parrot back in the homes of those we were assigned to. Then it was reduced to two or three pages with a big photo. Now although we still have a few “assignments” to help those of us who still function best with a checklist, there are no assigned monthly topics, and the only real limit to how many people you are to minister to is where you cut off your availability to the Lord. 

With this higher and holier way of doing things, we are being offered an opportunity to do things in a more “mature” way; in so doing we have the possibility to also see and feel things that are not discovered when we are simply motivated by a hope for reward or fear of punishment. I wish I had been more focused on this method when the kids were still at home.

When asked what the greatest commandment was Jesus replied, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind… And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself”. Matt 22:37,39  

There it is! There is the higher and holier motivation to do anything and everything! It is not because you want the mansion or fear the punishment – that is more a child’s motivation. As we finish off this final dispensation, we are to do all that we do because we love.

THE PATH TO GROWTH

How do we find that motivation to feel and give love? How do we grow? 

We sin.

And then we feel the weight of the sin and recognize the hopelessness of fixing it alone.

We come to earth and get these bodies and try to do our best with them, and sooner or later we sin. Some of us don’t even know how we are sinning yet, but the lucky ones do. At some point, we try to make up for those actions. We try to repent. But, how can we ever do that? How do we make the necessary corrections in a way that will get us cleansed enough to go back to live with our Heavenly Parents? We need help, we need a Savior. But even with a Savior, how do we pay Him back for covering for our sins?

King Benjamin teaches us that “if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants.” Mosiah 2:21

OPENING OUR EYES TO REALITY

No matter the nature or size of your sin, you cannot overcome it alone. You cannot shove it under the carpet and hope it is forgotten about. You cannot expect it to not come to light even if your best friend whom you pinky-swore with never tells anyone about it. You cannot plead naivete if you were taught to do otherwise or if the Spirit pricked your conscience even a little to tell you it was wrong. You cannot wash it away by putting more time into your calling or increasing your fast offerings. It will always be part of your history – and part of the opportunity you have for growth.

The Good News is that Heavenly Father knew we would sin. In fact, one of the gifts of mortality is that we can learn from our own experience.  How do you truly do that unless you can make mistakes? So He provided us with a redeemer and healer for our brokenness and to help us move past our mistakes.  We can be free of them because Jesus Christ has paid the price! Elder Jeffrey R. Holland has said “from the beginning the gospel has been “for the perfecting of the saints, … till we … come … unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ.” …. “the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ” really is, inspiring in us greater love and admiration for Him and a greater desire to be like Him.” Be Ye Therefore Perfect – Eventually Oct. 2017

There it is! There is your motivation to make better choices for a reason – better than hope for reward or fear of punishment. It is Charity, the pure love of Christ. 

I now see a recurring theme in the parables taught, and life lived by Jesus Christ that I have misunderstood in the past. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is a gift for all of us, and His forgiveness is given to us even as we turn to Him. It really becomes a question of getting ourselves to a place where we can feel that divine forgiveness and let it act in our lives.  As we do so, we become committed to being like Him. 

CARTS AND HORSES

I had it all wrong for years. I was putting the cart before the horse. I used to think we had to repent before we were forgiven. Silly me.

His forgiveness leads to our higher and holier reason and method of repenting! We don’t complete the repentance process by being forgiven of our sins, we complete the repentance process by changing our ways. And it is best if our motivation is love; being touched by the love and light from the forgiveness He offers, we become able to love better in return` – to love Him, to love others, and to love ourselves.  We seek to become more like Him! Because we love Him for His Atonement we choose to emulate His ways.

Have you felt overwhelming love, or maybe even forgiven, even though you know you still have things to change in your life? I look forward to explaining where I see this scriptural pattern repeated in the next post! Post 29 – Part 2