21 – Why do Good People Sin?featured

Why does an individual with a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and a desire to live it, sin?

DO PEOPLE SIN BECAUSE THEY ARE BAD PEOPLE?

In the history of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints there have been many people who lose their testimony and start living lifestyles that cost their membership. Consequently, we may assume that, when someone loses their membership, they no longer have a testimony. That is not always the case.

Part of being a bishop is being a “Judge in Israel”. For years I was intimidated by that title. Earthly judges are people who study for years to become a lawyer and then work for many more years as a lawyer before being appointed as a judge. I had been a missionary, Seminary Teacher, Young men’s President, and a handful of other callings that gave me great experiences. But I was still uncomfortable with the thought of being a Judge in Israel.

I have heard that some bishops will say “I want you to consider it as if you are speaking to the Lord as you speak with me”. I couldn’t imagine myself doing that, but as time and experiences added up, I started to more clearly see the way the relationship of Jesus and the bishop work.

I found helping someone walk the path of repentance to be very humbling and testimony-building, but sometimes heartbreaking too. As I Bishop I felt the burden of responsibility to see that son or daughter of God on the other side of the desk the way Jesus saw them. Is there remorse? What still needed to change, or had the experiences and self-discipline already changed enough? Were they ready to move on? 

WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?

For me, it was not just about what they did, but why they did it. Is there something else that happened, or is still happening, that played a part in the actions? In other words, will the repentance process be affected by other things causing them some level of pain? There may be sincere remorse today, but will the same action happen in a week, or a month, because something else is going on that is causing physical, emotional or even spiritual pain?

I have found that people with testimonies who sin often do so, not because they are naturally rebellious, but as a coping mechanism for something else happening in their life. That does not take from them the responsibility for their actions but recognizing what is going on helps. As a bishop I am much more valuable if I can help the individual not just work through the repentance process, but also help them take control of what is causing them to be willing to sin as a way of coping.

Imagine a child growing up in the Church having a parent who appears to be stellar for the hour while sitting beside them in Sacrament meeting, but who behaves much differently at home. Once the car door is closed and everyone is locked inside for the trip home, that parent displays anything but a Christlike demeanour. When they get home the child goes right to their room in hopes of avoiding further conflict. They come out for dinner because the contention there is better than the repercussions of staying in their room – though sometimes they do anyway. They can always say they have a sore stomach. That’s accurate anyway – because of the stress.

This is their world seven days a week. When that parent is home, they hide. Seminary and the weeknight youth activity are Godsends because they can get out of the house. But then they run into other adults from the ward who go on about how great that parent is because of the face that parent puts on at Church and in their calling. And that child just aches more. 

Is it any wonder that a teenager going through that might start finding other ways to feel anything other than what they feel at home? Maybe it’s porn. Maybe a friend who seems to care gets them to try alcohol or drugs. Maybe it’s immorality. Whatever the sin, it’s not simply because the individual wants to offend God. It might be a rebellion against what does not seem fair.  But the actual sin is a manifestation of something greater going on that also needs to be dealt with in order to properly work through the repentance process.  Without acknowledging and helping them with the entire, situation, they are likely to continue to struggle with the ways they have found to cope.

It’s not just teenagers who can be suffering silently to the point that they act out against their character. I have seen people choose sin after suffering from toxic relationships with friends, co-workers or even spouses. Ongoing health issues, crushing debt and more can weigh heavy enough that some will lose their focus on appropriate behaviour long enough to sin.

ACCOUNTABILITY STILL APPLIES

Let me be clear – I am not saying the back story eliminates the accountability for the sin. The accountability and consequences will still belong to the individual. I am saying that, as a bishop, I became very aware that someone acting out in sinful behaviour is often hurting in other areas. 

I saw it repeatedly. Good people, trying to live a life worthy of the Celestial Kingdom, who are dealing with something else that is hurting them. Perhaps they feel they cannot talk about it because no one will understand. Perhaps they try, but no one really believes them. For those individuals repenting seems to move along a little faster when they can find some relief from the first issue. 

Maybe that relief is just finally opening up to their bishop about the hurting. I believe that if ministering is done effectively a lot of that weight people carry can be lifted just by dialogue and friendship. And that many sins can be avoided. Maybe it is complicated enough that professional counselling is needed. Maybe significant changes need to happen in their life.

HOW CAN JESUS HELP?

Some of those things can be changed quickly while others cannot. A scriptural help for this is found in the story of those who followed Alma into the wilderness. They were simply trying to do the right thing in life, like a teenager who wants to live as happily as her awesome young women’s leader. Then through no fault of their own, Amulon finds them and decides he is going to practice unrighteous dominion over them just like that girl’s parent does. Despite all the good intentions of Almas people, Amulon’s actions make life miserable. Despite how hard that girl works to do the right thing, that parent does not change.

This is not because God does not care about Alma’s people or the young woman. This is happening because Amulon and that unrighteous parent still get their agency. Remember Blog 6? Alma’s people could “curse God and die”, figuratively or literally. That young woman could curse God and sin. Both have the agency to make that choice. But they also have the agency to make another choice. And the accountability of that choice is theirs alone.

We see that the Nephites chose to lean into God. They remained faithful and prayed for relief – and it came. “ And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.”  Alma 24:15

Those Nephites had one another to help deal with their burdens, but our young woman likely feels she is in it alone. At the October 2022 General Conference, Kristin M. Yee gave a soul-stirring talk about healing from her own experience of living with an unrighteous parent. She spoke of the relief she found when she said “my heart is no longer on a warpath. I have been given “a new heart”—one that has felt the deep and abiding love of a personal Savior, who stayed beside me, who gently and patiently led me to a better place, who wept with me, who knew my sorrow.”  –Beauty For Ashes

I hope that Heavenly Father has a good young women advisor, friend or bishop whom He can inspire that young woman to reach out to for support. It is so heavy to carry alone.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

What about your story? Is there something going on in your life that you could use a little help with? You cannot hide from repenting by blaming that pain you carry, whatever or whomever the source may be, but you might as well try to heal the pain while you have the whole repentance thing on the table anyway.

If it is something you can and should change, then why not do it now? If it is something outside of your control, sincerely ask your Heavenly Father for the same help He gave the people of Alma. Find a trusted individual or counselor – or church leader – and let them know what you are carrying.  Allow them to help you find relief.  Once you include the Lord and reach out for help, you can trust that the help will come – maybe (and likely) even through an individual or opportunity you never expected.

God is Good!