10 – Who is Driving Your Bus?featured

WHO ARE THE BUS DRIVERS IN YOUR LIFE?

There are those who find it understandable when other passengers on the big yellow bus fall short of expectation, but deeply struggle when the driver themself is not what they expected. see post 5 – “The Big Yellow Bus” It may be their Relief Society President, a youth leader, Bishop, Stake President, or even a General Authority. Whether it is the leader’s temperament, past actions, current decisions, or even the sins they hear of, when those actions, real or rumored, fall outside of expectations they can throw someone into confusion.  When this individual is the one the Lord has authorized and assigned to drive your bus for a time, some question “why would He call that person?”.

The nature and behavior of leaders is very broad in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Leaders are called from all walks of life, having grown up under different styles of parenting. These individuals are currently dealing with their own personal and family struggles as they try to also manage the calling they have been given – a calling that they likely never asked for.  Some accept their callings with enthusiasm while others are willing but nervous. Others accept the calling but would rather not. I think most passengers on the school bus realize that, while leaders try their best, there is always someone who would do it another way.

I know of a Bishop once being told that, during his time serving, he would likely offend everyone in the ward. He responded with “Do I have to spread it out over the five years, or can I just stand up and do it all at once to get it over with?”.

We have a record of the leader’s temperament being found offensive going right back to the restoration. The Prophet Joseph Smith was not what some people expected. George A. Smith tells us “one convert family apostatized because, when they arrived in Kirtland from the East, Joseph came downstairs from the room “where he had been translating by the gift and power of God” and began to romp and play with his children (Journal of Discourses, 2:214) Just like these early saints we can struggle with the discrepancy between how we feel leaders should behave and the reality. Yet others may find it refreshing when the leader is not from a perceived mould. 

Leaders may be driving the bus, but they are also passengers. They are still working out their own salvation, but now are learning leadership skills firsthand. They will look to their own past experiences with leadership and are also being influenced by current training while seeking the Spirit for their organization’s needs. The leader may possibly even be influenced by the individual in the ward who is constantly nagging them about the disruption from the crying children in the Sacrament Meeting (or whatever current concern someone in the ward has).

“I WOULDN’T WANT TO BE CAUGHT IN A FOXHOLE WITH YOU”

At a mission zone conference I once attended, two visiting members of the Seventy took the opportunity to speak very strongly to us. I had never been spoken to like that by a Church leader before. I remember being told from the pulpit, “If this were a war, I would not want to be caught in a foxhole with you”. This was very hard for me to hear, and I struggled when one of them was later called to be an Apostle. I was not alone. Twenty years later as I was visiting the widow of my mission president, she got quiet for a moment and then asked if I was there when Elder “__________” toured the mission. She said she thought of that tour every time he spoke at General Conference – and so did I. I was relating this one day to a friend and he changed my view on the experience. He told me that kind of leadership got him all fired up in a good way. It motivated him to do whatever it took to meet the challenge. My friend’s background was that of a competitive hockey player with a police officer for a dad – it was how he grew up. Often we need to realize that the bus driver is not trying to offend, they simply have a different leadership style. I have greatly benefitted from my friend helping me understand this concept. Now that one talk given at each General Conference does not bring a conflicted feeling into my life anymore. 

No matter what tone and style this Church leader intended then, he, like you and me, can change – if he feels the need. We all can, and should, hone our delivery skills. Although for a time, his style and mine did not mesh well, that did not negate the truthfulness of the message of the Gospel of Jesus Christ he was delivering. I find myself much more able to grow in understanding and motivation by living the Gospel through his teachings now, and I look forward to his talks. I don’t know if that is attributed to a style change for him, or to an attitude change for me, but I suspect it is a little of both – and I am thankful for it.

WE ALL CAN LEARN FROM MISTAKES 

Sometimes we struggle with a leader because of something we know from their past. This can be common in well-established wards, or areas where the membership numbers are low. Remember that the whole point of the Gospel is for us to identify where we can become more Christlike and then make those changes through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. That is repentance. People are not disqualified from leadership because they have struggled in the past. Often those struggles help the leader be more compassionate and understanding of how to help others. The musician Joe Walsh wrote a song called “Family” on his album Analog Man. His song speaks of how he discovered that being part of a family with a healthy relationship – which included praying together – brought more to his life than he had ever imagined. Critics went after him for promoting prayer and family because of the way he had lived in his earlier years. But, doesn’t that history add more to his musical testimony of the value of healthy family relationships?

Certainly, if what you know of a person means you cannot raise a hand in a sustaining vote, you should address it with the proper authority – then let it go. Realize that it’s likely that you only know part of the story and may not be aware of the individual’s repentance process. Remember that you and I are also needing to repent, and forgiving others is part of how you, in turn, will be forgiven, as well as how you will develop more Christlike attributes.

DIVERSITY IS GREAT – IF YOU THINK LIKE ME

Leaders have different backgrounds and personalities that are manifest in their leadership. And, let’s face it, things are better because of that. Like the missionaries that come and go in a ward, we connect better with some than with others. And because of that, sooner or later, we all find a personally impactful individual we don’t ever forget. We don’t want cookie-cutter robots.

When we live in areas with many members, these differences in leadership styles become more obvious. People even “ward shop”. As a Young Single Adult bishop, I once took a phone call from an individual who was considering moving into the ward and just wanted to introduce themselves. I had never had that before and quickly realized I was being interviewed to see how comfortable they were with me before deciding if they wanted to work through their repentance in my ward. I felt honored when they did.

It is an uncomfortable reality that this happens, but I think almost all the leaders are trying their best to seek the will of the Lord in their callings.

MISTAKES WERE MADE – AND WILL BE

Because this is the Lord’s Church, I think people sometimes expect the actions and decisions of the leadership should be made with the same wisdom and perfection that would be given if it were the Lord Jesus Christ himself sitting in that leader’s chair. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf addressed this:

“And, to be perfectly frank, there have been times when members or leaders in the Church have simply made mistakes. There may have been things said or done that were not in harmony with our values, principles, or doctrine.

I suppose the Church would be perfect only if it were run by perfect beings. God is perfect, and His doctrine is pure. But He works through us—His imperfect children—and imperfect people make mistakes.

In the title page of the Book of Mormon we read, “And now, if there are faults they are the mistakes of men; wherefore, condemn not the things of God, that ye may be found spotless at the judgment-seat of Christ.” 

This is the way it has always been and will be until the perfect day when Christ Himself reigns personally upon the earth.”

    “Come, Join with Us” General Conference Oct 2013

I have pondered the situation of someone sitting in the bishop’s office demanding perfection in the actions and decisions of the leader. I have been the bishop someone is upset with because I was not doing something the way that individual felt was perfect. These individuals would be wise to consider that demanding perfection of others simultaneously requires perfection – and condemnation – in themselves.

ARE YOU REALLY READY FOR PERFECTION?

Would you have the courage to sit in that office screaming for “justice” to be delivered for another knowing that, if it really was the Lord in that bishop’s chair, every detail in your own life would have to be accounted for – and paid for – at the same time?

The leader who is currently authorized and assigned to drive the bus on your route may sometimes swerve a little, and possibly even get a little too close to the edge for your comfort, but they will not take the bus off the road. God will not let that happen. That leader may not have all the skills of another driver you once had, or the abilities of the bus driver in your friend’s ward. They may go about some things differently than you would like, but they are the one currently licensed and registered to drive the bus you are on.

ADVICE I WAS GIVEN AS A BUS DRIVER

Now I am not naïve enough to think that everything a bishop says is a revelation. I have participated in a lot of interviews as a bishop, and most of the time spent in those visits has consisted of simply conversing – and that is part of the process. At some point in the conversation, as the individual was genuinely seeking guidance, and I was silently praying for help beyond my wisdom, the Spirit would speak. Sometimes, I simply knew what I was saying was what they needed to hear, but the more experience I had, the more often we were able to get to the point where the individual was the one who realized what needed to be done – the revelation came through them. That’s when I felt the most accomplished! 

I had a friend who had served many years as a bishop and then even more as a stake president. He taught me many lessons that helped me when I was called a bishop. One of the things was to not be offended when you receive a revelation of what to share with a member of the ward, but they don’t apply it. And that does happen. It can be tempting, in those situations, to take it personally. But, they are not rejecting me, they are rejecting the revelation.

Have you either been given counsel or felt your own promptings while meeting with a leader and decided to not follow that counsel? Was that after prayerfully seeking confirmation? Was it something that you could still act on now?

JUST A FEW SUGGESTIONS

If you are struggling with your bus driver may I suggest a few things to try?

• Pray for him or her, you both will benefit from that.

• Try to see them as someone who is trying to do the Lord’s work from their own background and amid their own current personal challenges. 

• Avoid the temptation to point out their faults or flaws to others. Yes, they have them – and so do you.

• Prayerfully seek guidance from the Spirit and the scriptures as you consider the counsel from your bus driver, especially the uplifting impressions you felt while visiting with them. 

Whether or not you feel a connection with the driver, It is never enough to just ask for a mortal’s counsel or input – you need to take it upstairs by getting down on your knees. If the driver’s counsel, followed by your prayerful pondering, leads you closer to your Heavenly Father, then the process has worked.

I can testify that this process can lead you, sometimes even physically, to a closer relationship with our loving Heavenly Father.

*Please comment below, and follow me on Instagram at onesheep.blog to help me help others who have lost their membership.