6 – Does God Want Me to Suffer?featured

HOW COULD THERE BE A GOD?

How could there be a God and He let _________ happen? The ultimate trap question! Many ask in a rhetorical tone with the only seeming answer for one who is not interested in doing the work to be “He must not care about me” or “He is not there”. That question traps individuals into giving up seeking and just walking away from difficult answers that require accountability. Others ask sincerely and are open to understanding. Because you are still reading I hope you are looking to understand something rather than giving up.

I used to tell my youth to replace that question with something like: With what I have been taught about God, with all that I can learn from the Scriptures and the teachings of the Prophets and Apostles, how can I better understand what is going on here?

By the time I was with the amazing Young Single Adults, I had refined my thoughts on the “how could there be a God” question. I realize there are some who ask the “how could there be a God” question as they look to justify walking away from the Church, but those sincerely asking are usually only trying to understand circumstances that they or others they care about are feeling crushed by.

I think for many that question is just trying to understand the source of the problems they see and wonder why those problems continue. Is God trying to punish me? Why are my problems so hard when others seem to have such an easy life? Very fair questions.

ANOTHER WAY TO PROCESS THE STRUGGLE

This is how I process those questions. Maybe it will help you.

I categorize the source of my problems in 3 ways – and my solutions in 1. It’s all about agency and accountability.

1. My own choices and actions
2. Others Choices and actions
3. The Petrie dish of life

MY OWN ACTIONS

I likely don’t have to go on much describing how my own choices and actions have created problems for me. It is not always comfortable to accept that aspects of my life would likely be easier or more comfortable today had I made some different choices in the past. It is a little painful to realize that selfishness, laziness, and other actions my mother tried to warn me of have come back to bite me from time to time – but I cannot blame God for that. I am not the source of ALL my problems, but most of my problems are from my agency. Likewise, a good number of my blessings are a consequence of my choices – those blessings are from God, but they are a product of wise use of agency. How grateful I am for those! 

As much as my agency has caused some problems for me, it also has added such growth and joy to my life. I have had a direct influence on the friendships in my life, and I am so grateful for them. I have been able to pursue my own interests and hobbies that bring me a measure of happiness. I have chosen what I wear and much of what I eat. Perhaps most importantly, this agency has allowed me to choose the attitude I will use to handle every experience of my life. It’s pretty eye-opening to sit down and realize just how much choice we each have.

THE OTHERS

Other people’s actions can be harder to accept. If you have siblings, you have experience with this one from a very early age. If a sibling chose to share or treat you kindly, you benefitted. If a sibling grabbed the toy out of your hand and hit you over the head with it, you suffered. Our experiences because of others’ choices carry on from day one of our life until the last breath we take. As a child, we likely cried “It’s not fair” on many occasions. We see that same exclamation over and over as adults. 

Some have felt hurt by the Lord’s Church or its leaders and/or doctrine, and that has caused tremendous heartache and conflict for them. That can be very hard for some to settle in their minds, some never do and instead choose to get off the bus. see post 5 – “The Big Yellow School Bus”

Perhaps, as you go through this current Church discipline others are making life harder for you. Be considerate of their mindset. Did your actions hurt them? Is there anything you can do to help them beyond your asking for forgiveness? (If it is someone you should apologize to) Maybe what they heard is not accurate. Perhaps it is none of their business, but they still choose to attack you, either directly or through gossip. The point is that you have your agency to do what you did, and for things to be fair, they get their agency (and accountability) to act how they choose to. (Even if they are hurt by your actions, others do not have an open season to attack you without consequences for themselves. But let’s not go down the path of judging them)

Balancing fairness in the outcome of agency is the reality that we are all ultimately rewarded – or otherwise – for our own actions. You cannot blame others for your choices, and they cannot blame you for their choices. If others were able to hold you accountable for their actions, then you in turn can blame someone else for yours. Sooner or later we all could blame a parent. Before long the blame would find its place on Adam’s lap, but the doctrine is clear: “We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression.” Articles of Faith 1:2 Perhaps we can blame another for our circumstances, but not for what we choose to do with our choices or actions.

THE PETRIE DISH

Beyond everyone having agency and the mess that makes is the petri dish of life. If you took a biology class in high school you may have taken a swab of something, put it in a Petrie dish, then put that dish aside for a time. When you returned later there were all kinds of things growing on it. I look at the earth experience, AKA mortality, as a big old Petrie dish that has been growing all sorts of experiences – and it definitely influences our lives. Sometimes, through no fault of ourselves or others, we become afflicted. It may be genetics giving us an unhealthy body or a virus taking the life of a loved one. Perhaps the weather changes unexpectedly while on a hike – or the earth shakes and a rock fall takes out your home. So many things just happen with no one to blame. That was part of the experience we accepted in the Council in Heaven.

The “it’s not fair” banner is flown by most people at one point or another, from a most undeserved and heartbreaking tragedy to an insidious effort by one to afflict another. “It’s not fair” is another trap Satan uses to turn people away from God, and it is effective.

THERE IS MORE FAIRNESS THAN WE MAY WANT TO ACCEPT

I agree that from a strictly mortal point of view, things are not fair, but perhaps there is more fairness than we want to accept. If I want to make the decisions in my life, it is only fair that others have the very same agency. I have made decisions that have benefitted me, and sometimes those decisions have hurt others. “Fair” would also mean others get their agency to choose, and sometimes their decisions have hurt me. I am not encouraging an eye-for-an-eye response to others’ choices, I am simply pointing out that everyone having the agency to choose is “fair”.

Accepting that because I want to make my choices others get to make theirs has helped me accept the outcomes of others’ choices – particularly as I have gone through the past 2+ years.

No matter how hard things may get, I would warn against playing the victim card. From time to time every one of us can find a reason to cry we are a victim and, they could be right; it is my observation that when one plays a victim card they open themselves up to be played by someone trying to manipulate that hurt for their own agenda. That agenda may not improve your circumstances – as enticing as it is. Just be careful. See Posts 25 and 26 “The Victim Card” Parts 1 and 2

When we hold to a mortal point of view, removing the Gospel understanding, things sooner or later will appear unfair. If you choose to remove God – and you have that choice – who would ultimately settle the score in a way everyone can be happy with? Looking at the track record of societies and governments around this big old Petrie dish makes it clear they can’t do it – some sincerely try, but it doesn’t happen. If someone wants to buy into the idea that “life is not fair so take what you can get”, can we not also make an argument that is ultimately fair? If you are looking for fairness of outcome there must be a set of rules and an all-knowing being who can reward without limits in that argument. 

FAIR WILL COME

We will not understand what is fair until we know our loving and just Heavenly Father – and this is only possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We make life harder for ourselves when we apply our mortal concept of fairness without an eternal perspective.

I have tried to identify any problems in my life that I can simply blame on God. It certainly wasn’t easy to home-teach (minister to) some of the families I had been assigned. Many of the callings I have had have caused me much stress and trials, but even those were callings I chose to accept with my own agency. Yet through those challenges, God helped me accomplish far more than my personal abilities.  Further yet, I have benefitted in countless ways from the personal growth and friendships I was rewarded with. 

EVEN GOD HAS BOUNDARIES

I am not denying that our loving Heavenly Father cannot step in and affect things in the day-to-day, but I have found he is far more likely to strengthen us and help us deal with challenges. I have found that rather than expecting God to remove my trials it is more common that He will help me grow enough to overcome them. “Whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day” Alma 36:3 Ultimately this mortal existence is His design. God does not seem to change things on a whim. In Matthew, we read of Joseph taking Mary and Jesus to Egypt for a time because Herod wanted to kill Jesus. 

“But when Herod was dead, behold, an angel of the Lord appeareth in a dream to Joseph in Egypt, Saying, Arise, and take the young child and his mother, and go into the land of Israel; for they are dead which sought the young child’s life. And he arose, and took the young child and his mother, and came into the land of Israel.”    Matthew 2:19-21

Why did God not simply wipe Herod out earlier? I imagine Mary and Joseph would have rather been at home in Bethlehem or Nazareth with help from extended family! This is the Savior of the world – the son of God – having to wait because God does not tamper with someone else’s agency. Can you imagine how often Heavenly Father must wait for us because of agency?

Even when it seems unfair, another person’s agency is as important as our own. Even for God.

While I have found it helpful to assign my problems to one of those 3 sources, I have found 1 solution to restore peace to my heart and mind – The Savior Jesus Christ. It is through Him that I have found the strength to make the changes I need, to accept the outcome of another’s agency and to have more patience with the challenges that come through the Petrie dish of life.

LEARNING HOW TO SEE GOD’S HELP IS MY SALVE

Instead of asking “how can there be a God?” I have asked “How can you help me God?” and that has made all the difference. He does not want you or me to suffer, but overcoming is where we gain strength, patience and wisdom. He has not taken everything hard away, but He has helped and blessed me in ways I did not always expect. It is inspiring to identify the many ways He has helped me – especially through others who have used their agency to follow Christlike attributes! We must invite Him to be a part of all aspects of our lives and follow the help that He then will offer.

Journal your experiences and pray for insight; When you learn to look in the right direction, it’s amazing what you can see of His invited influence in your day-to-day life.

*Please comment below – and follow me on Instagram at onesheep.blog to help me find others who have lost their membership!