45 – I Did It Again…featured

WHO TO INVITE?

I have planned, attended, and participated in countless baptismal services. This one was different – it was my own. I don’t recall ever attending a re-baptism. Do I keep it small, or open it to the ward? How many in the ward even know I had been excommunicated?

I contemplated inviting some of my non-member friends. I know they would have been interested, but how do I explain the reason for my baptism? There is an element of embarrassment, and as important and wonderful as repentance is, excommunication is not a pretty aspect of religion. How would that come across? We have a temple announced in my area, and I chose to focus my invitation to ‘come and see’ toward that event instead.

After much consternation, I decided to keep the invite list short. Some family and a couple of close friends travelled to be there. Others, who would have come if circumstances allowed, reached out that morning to share their kind thoughts. There were also a few others in attendance who had played significant roles in my life over the past couple of years. It was not that I did not want any others to come; I did not want to make a show of it.

THE SERVICE

Opening hymn, I Stand All Amazed(1). It was sung at my mission farewell and now again at my return to membership. The closing hymn was one of the new ones, Gods Gracious Love(2). A few months prior, we sang it in the Sacrament meeting, and the lyrics and emotion expressed my relationship with Christ over the past five years 

“Day by day, God’s gracious love surrounds me 

As a balm to soothe my troubled heart. 

Countless cares and worries that confound me 

Fade away or quietly depart, 

For His heart is kind beyond all measure, 

And He comforts us as He knows best. 

Ev’ry day, with all its pain and pleasure, 

Mingles tears with peace and rest.”

I called a friend of ours in the ward who knew my circumstances, and I asked for a favor. Her sincere excitement for the baptism was sweet, and she was happy to play piano. My only other request was that she play it at the fastest tempo suggested. Maybe it is my MTC experience, but I like the hymns to have a good pace.

I knew I wanted my brother to perform the baptism and my stake president to do the confirmation. And I knew I wanted the meeting to focus on Christ instead of me. Rather than the traditional talk on baptism or the Holy Ghost, I asked my wife to speak on building a relationship with Christ. A couple of friends who have shared history reaching back 40 years offered the prayers.

The service started right on time, stayed focused, and provided a spiritual opportunity for everyone, just the way I had hoped and planned. I had not initially intended to have treats, but that morning, the impression crossed my mind that a week earlier, my wife had spent her birthday by herself, so my daughter ran for pastries from a local shop, and we sang Happy Birthday after the closing prayer.

THE GIFT OF THE HOLY GHOST

Because of this blog, I have a few pen pals—or, perhaps more accurately, keyboard pals. One of them was very interested in my relationship with the Holy Ghost once I had been confirmed a member again. Did I feel a difference as I was given the injunction to “receive the Holy Ghost”? Have I “felt a higher influence of the Holy Ghost” since then?

So far, I have not. I worked hard over the past five years to keep the Spirit in my life, and I have been rewarded for it. Was it just the light of Christ instead of the Holy Ghost? According to President Joseph Fielding Smith: “Every man can receive a manifestation of the Holy Ghost, even when he is out of the Church, if he is earnestly seeking for the light and for the truth. The Holy Ghost will come and give the man the testimony he is seeking, and then withdraw; and the man does not have a claim upon another visit or constant visits and manifestations from him. He may have the constant guidance of that other Spirit, the Spirit of Christ.”(3)

My experiences have been repeatedly more than a one-and-done manifestation.

President Nelson has stated that “Because God has hesed for those who have covenanted with Him, He will love them. He will continue to work with them and offer them opportunities to change. He will forgive them when they repent. And should they stray, He will help them find their way back to Him. Once you and I have made a covenant with God, our relationship with Him becomes much closer than before our covenant. Now we are bound together. Because of our covenant with God, He will never tire in His efforts to help us, and we will never exhaust His merciful patience with us. Each of us has a special place in God’s heart. He has high hopes for us.” (4)

Perhaps that is why I have felt as close to the Holy Ghost as I have over the past five years. I noticed all those years ago that in the final days of being a member, all of my inspiration seemed to be for those I was serving, and once I lost my membership, all of the revelations were now directly for me. During the past five years, I have been shown aspects of the Atonement of Jesus Christ I never understood before. Repeatedly, I have been given insights and personal revelation. 

I look forward to whatever my first calling will be and experiencing revelation on how to serve others again.

I will forever maintain and testify that no one other than ourselves can stop us from having a relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ through the Spirit. I know, it is often easier said than done – but it can be done!

WHAT REALLY MATTERED FOR ME

As I reflect on the day, I am grateful that I was able to have my brother baptize me. I was also grateful for my stake president, who has become a dear friend through this, taking the time to attend and confirm me a member once again. As grateful as I am for both those steps, and as important as they are, they were not the most spiritual part of the service for me.

I was most deeply touched by my dear wife’s remarks. Part of her thoughts were: “I like to think that mistakes are opportunities for growth and to make something better by inviting the Lord in. Sometimes mistakes are made because we have not included the Lord as much as we need to. There is beauty and purpose in making mistakes when those help us to recognize that we need the Lord; when they lead us to turn to Him and invite Him in, while we take a step back and allow Him to fix our mess. This is repentance. And of course, anything that the Lord touches is going to become better than it was before. It is through that refining process, and those mistakes or sins, that we can come to better understand the Lord’s love, foresight and how He interacts with his children. 

What is truly important is what we choose to do with those mistakes and sins. Do we use them in a way that allows us to grow, or do we use them as a way of giving up or becoming disenchanted, or bitter? It is more often what happens after the mistake that really counts and what really becomes powerful and transforming, not only for the person but for those privileged to witness that process(…)

Because of our Savior, mistakes aren’t fatal. All life experiences can be worked for the Good by a loving Heavenly Father and through the infinite sacrifice of His son. 

If the gospel is good news, then the principles of the Gospel are worth celebrating – including repentance.  Why? Because in no other way can we become like our Savior, meaning all of us NEED repentance.  It is a gift and blessing afforded to this mortal realm. And through repentance, we build a reliance and a relationship with our Savior as well as an understanding of His love for us and a greater capacity to love others in turn. If a baptism is a thing to be celebrated, should we not also celebrate the process of repentance that gets us to this point?”

THE LEGALIZING OF IT ALL

The last two (maybe more) presidents of the United States have made presentations out of signing executive orders. People gather, and the process of signing by the president is given validity in what is almost a ceremony now. Signing the document takes a brief moment, but its effects are what matter.

Just as the signature is vitally important to ratify the executive order, so is the baptism and confirmation vital to my covenant with God; and while I appreciate the presentation of the ordinances, what touched my soul more was the background that led me to that point. Baptism did not “wash my sins away.” I had to clean myself up so that I could formalize my covenants through my baptism. It was all the work beforehand that I cherish the most

My wife’s talk brought those experiences with God and Christ to the surface of my soul. Her comments that I have quoted, as well as other things she mentioned about my path of repentance, touched me deeply. It reminded me of my darkest days and how the Savior pulled me through. It reminded me of my relationship with my Savior – and how it was built. It also fueled my excitement for what is still ahead of me in my spiritual growth.

So I am back through the gate and on my way. 

I still have a year until I can apply to once again carry the responsibility of the priesthood and take on the covenants of the temple, but I will work towards that alongside my brother Jesus Christ.