35 – Stay In the Gymfeatured

The pressure was real. My number was called and I was on the court for the jump ball. Sure enough, the ball came my way and I was off to the net. I out-hustled their defence to get downcourt and got a clear shot off before anyone could get a hand in my face. I was feeling pretty good about it all until I realized that I had shot on my own net! This true story is one I have forgotten many times over the years.  My lifelong friend, however, has not, and he is generous enough to remind me from time to time. Thankfully I missed the shot.

I GOT BETTER!

I went on to get marginally better playing high school ball. Still, there was pressure. To prepare for that pressure we practiced. I recall being coached on the mental and physical preparation for shooting free throws. We would stand at the line and mentally visualize the ball going through the hoop over and over before we ever let the ball fly out of our hands. We didn’t visualize a bank shot or the ball bouncing off the rim 2 or 3 times before reluctantly falling through the net.  Instead, we tried to visualize all-net swish shots. If you first visualized the shot going in and then practiced the movements with your body, you were far more likely to make the shot under the pressure of the moment.

BENCHED

In some ways, we can compare losing our membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to being benched in a game. Being benched in a game means we currently do not have the pressure of making that free throw shot in the game, but we now feel many other feelings as we sit there. We must determine what we need to do to be ready so that the coach can get us back in the game.  We may feel “out of the action”.  We may feel overlooked or less valuable. We may feel regret or disappointment over the actions that resulted in us getting sidelined. We likely have some measure of embarrassment and feeling out of place. We may even feel a temporary sense of relief at not having the responsibilities involved in membership.  We certainly have a different perspective on the game as we see it all playing out from the sidelines instead of from the middle of the action.

In basketball, we have a head coach with one or two assistant coaches.  The assistant coaches have personalities and skill sets to help a player develop. In the Church, we have a Head Coach, Jesus Christ, with several assistant coaches to help get the messaging and individual training through to the team members.

SKILLS CAN BE LOST

In basketball, if we get upset and take time away from the court we take the risk of losing skills we have worked to develop. Our ability to shoot may get rusty, our recall of the playbook can fade, and certainly, our physical ability to run up and down the court for a full game can diminish. Not only do we risk losing abilities we have worked hard to develop, but we may miss out on developing the additional skills the coach wants to start implementing in the games moving forward. 

Taking time away from Church can also cause us to lose the momentum we have already built. Whether you are a convert or a lifer in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you have had to put in some effort to live it. What that effort looks like may be different for each of us but being in the church involves work. This can be anything from sporadically attending Sacrament meetings to full-time participation in a bishopric. Where we stand now matters, and from this point you and I will either move closer to a more personal relationship with Jesus Christ, or further away from Him by how we view attending His chapel with His team.

In addition to losing spiritual momentum, we risk missing the changes to the playbook moving forward. When President Nelson was presented as President of the Church in January 2018 NBC ran the article “Noted Heart Surgeon Russell Nelson unlikely to transform Mormon church as new president”.  It quoted April Young Bennet as saying President Nelson ““is unlikely to make big waves” because, as the senior apostle, he had “already been serving amicably with the previous president for decades””. That prediction has proven completely inaccurate. In a Feb 2022 article in BYUs Daily Universe, Abby Tanner writes of more than “70 changes and announcements” in the first 4 years. “Some of the biggest changes and announcements include two-hour church services, renaming Church websites and social media, baptisms of children with LGBT parents, a new Church handbook and policy changes for civil and temple marriages.”   We could carry on with changing Home Teaching, dramatically increasing temple construction, forward-thinking adjustments to the For The Strength of Youth Guide, and on and on.

THE PLAYBOOK IS BEING UPDATED

It’s important to realize that the playbook changes are not being made because of who currently fills the role of President of the Church.  They are being made because of Who leads the Church. My experiences over the past 3+ years have only deepened my testimony that Jesus Christ is at the head of this Church. Certainly, there is a human element that affects the temporal feel of the Church. But ultimately, Jesus Christ is at its head.  And He is directing His Church through the prophet He has called. Together, Jesus Christ and President Nelson are adjusting the playbook in ways none of us anticipated to respond to the particular challenges of today’s world.

While the world has seen some tumultuous times in its history, it appears to me that our days are the most challenging yet. Scenarios that I could have never imagined as a teenager a few decades ago are now commonplace and front-page news. It seems everyone has something to get worked up over and even some members of the Church who appeared immovable one year seem to struggle the next.

You and I are as susceptible as anyone right now (if not more so) to the temptation of finding fault with the playbook or the coaches – even the Head Coach. As we sit on the bench, it is easy to lose the team spirit and sense of involvement we once had and to stop paying attention to what is going on in the game. It is easy for us to check out.

MICHAEL JORDAN

It is well known that Michael Jordan did not make the cut when trying out for his high school basketball team. He told Jay Leno “Everybody goes through disappointments, it’s how you overcome those disappointments. I just wasn’t good enough. In terms of the best thing that could happen to me was to get cut, cause it made me go back and get caught up with my skill level at my height.”  The added height he gained in that time helped, but gaining more height did not make him better than the others. What made Michael Jordan legendary was the drive, the work ethic, and the determination to be the best he could be.

DECISIONS MUST BE MADE

At some point in the aftermath of losing our memberships, we must choose how we are going to respond. Are we going to quit the team, or work on the weaker parts of our game and come back stronger? This is where commitment to personal growth by accepting coaching can make us our best. I’m not saying you have to decide today, I am saying that walking away from the team today because it hurts is the easy path, but not where the growth is. The Savior will ALWAYS welcome us back at any point that we decide to return, but the sooner we commit, the better shape we are in to carry on. 

How do we not lose momentum? In the same way we get better at shooting free throws – Practice! We practice by living Christ-centered lives at home, at work, while out with friends, and by going to Church. It is reading scriptures and saying prayers at home AND showing up at the gym regularly. By doing the fundamentals over and over again – like shooting free throws again today even though you did yesterday. If there is something you are recognizing as a weakness in your behavior, focus on it a little more. Just like you would if you realized you needed a little more work on your baseline shot.

How do we keep up with the additions to the playbook? We practice with the team. Just shooting hoops at home on our own can help one part of your game, but practicing with the team and coaches makes a huge difference to our success both now and once we make it back onto the court. Attending Sacrament meetings matters. We may not be able to partake of the Sacrament now, but we can repeat the words of Sacrament prayers in our head while they are being said, and we can keep our focus on the Savior while the bread and water are being passed. We can still fast and pray once a month. We can stay current on ward callings and Church policy updates as they are announced over the pulpit. We can’t pay tithing, but we can still benefit from the principles of tithing and keep up the practice by making financial donations to other charities or reserving 10% of our resources for worthwhile causes. We can’t perform temple ordinances, but we can walk the grounds and spend time in the waiting area to feel the Spirit there. We can pay attention to General Conference talks and Church News updates.

Being with the members helps us stay connected with our goals, our potential, and our true identity. It may be that some of them treat us differently or show us some negativity because they do not know how to handle being around someone who lost their membership. I found that those who are having trouble with being judgemental tend to stay back and fester, while those who are a part of the “Fellowship of the Forgiven” (see post 7 – “Well, Since You Asked…”) quietly step up and help bring the Light of Christ into my world. Being around those individuals has been an important part of this repentance process, and has allowed me to identify ways I can, in turn, help others feel welcome. They are true teammates.

THE GAME SLOWS DOWN

There is an interesting phenomenon that happens in sports. As an athlete both practices and performs repeatedly, the game “slows down” for them. They no longer feel the same kind of anxiety as I did when I took the ball to the wrong net as a middle schooler. Although they continue to practice them daily, those fundamentals, become so ingrained in their performance that they instinctively know how to manage when an obstacle is before them. They can see the play on the court unfolding and anticipate where they can be most effective to succeed.

The same thing applies to living the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The more we practice the fundamentals both on our own and with the team, the more they become second nature and the less awkward or anxious we feel. We can see things unfolding and anticipate where we should and should not be – and what we should and should not be doing. As we persist, life starts to feel less overwhelming. We can also begin to anticipate and understand how to better help our fellow team members.  We learn that this life is truly a team sport, and our success depends on the success of those on our team.  As we help them, we help ourselves.

SHOWING UP FOR PRACTICE

So we have been benched. Our behavior has relegated us to sitting out for a time to work on our “personal” game. There are times it has felt to me like an embarrassing punishment. It can feel like my teammates and the spectators are judging me – I certainly have judged myself. In many ways, however, I am learning more about the game from my current position than I was able to from being on the court. It has turned out to be more of a blessing than I imagined.

I choose to keep up with attending practices, working on the fundamentals, and staying up to date with the playbook. I need to keep going back to the gym. I have found the Head Coach is still calling in plays for me to work on, I just need to focus on hearing Him – and taking the ball to the right net. Maybe my efforts will inspire others, maybe they won’t, but I am going to become the best the Coaches can make of me!