3 – What Happened at The Council? – Part 2featured

A COUNCIL – NOT A COURT

It is not the Lord’s intent that this process is to be grilling like unto a court of law. I’m not saying that doesn’t happen from time to time, I’m saying that it is not the Lord’s intent for it to go that way. Done properly, the questioning is done with love and respect. The purpose is not only to decide if the offence really happened, but also to determine the circumstances that led to the action(s) in question if there has been any repentance to that point, and how the action has affected others – including the church’s name. Questions like, what motivated you to do what you did? How has this affected your relationship with the Lord/your family/or anyone else? What changes have you made in your life since _______ happened? These twelve men will soon be asked by the stake president what they feel the Lord’s will is, as humbling as that is, and they need to be comfortable with the thoughts they put forth.

The questioning, which is very conversational in nature, goes on until there appear to be no more comments from the council members. Once the president senses that, he asks if anyone has any other questions. Finally, he turns to the individual to ask if there is anything further they would like to say for consideration. And with that completed, the individual is dismissed for a time to sit in the secluded area outside the main room. 

The chair I now occupy.

THE NEXT STEP

I recall how at that point the president opens the discussion with the high council members, asking for everyone to share their thoughts. There may be some who have the attitude that the letter of the law must be exacted, that because their understanding of the doctrine is a certain way, they certainly feel the individual should be held to the full measure of the law. Often their comments reflect that. Far more often than not, I have found the members of the council are quite compassionate towards the individual, and they are looking for signs of a repentant attitude. Sometimes the comments are questions asking the president for clarification on what they heard, or what the church’s position on a matter is.

The consequence of the decision of the council is huge. The president must consider if he feels the individual has repented, and if not, what would help the individual move forward to that end. He also needs to consider if the individual has repented, what damage has been done to others, or to the good name of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. What damage could further happen should no action be taken?

THE POSSIBLE OUTCOMES

It is the president who has decided a council should be held and ultimately is tasked with determining the will of the Lord in making the final decision. He goes into his office with his counsellors and the stake clerk to discuss and pray for the Lord’s will. As directed by the Church Handbook, these are the options the president has:

1. Remains in good standing. In some instances, a person may be innocent and remains in good standing. In some instances, a person may have committed the sin, repented sincerely, and be in good standing. The bishop or stake president may give counsel and caution about future actions. After the council, he continues to give support as needed.
2. Personal Counseling with the Bishop or Stake President

In some membership councils, leaders may determine that the member is not in good standing—but that formal membership restrictions are not warranted. In these instances, the council may decide that the person should receive personal counselling and correction from the bishop or stake president. 

• Formal Membership Restrictions. Things may include not entering the temple for a time. Not exercising the Priesthood. Not partaking of the Sacrament or sustaining Church officers. Not giving talks, lessons or prayers in Church. Not serving in a Church calling. 
• Withdrawal of Membership. These individuals may not enter the temple or wear the temple garment. They may not exercise the Priesthood, partake of the Sacrament or sustain Church officers. They may not give talks, lessons or pray in Church settings. They may not lead an activity in church or serve in a Church calling. They may not pay tithes or offerings.

                                *Church Handbook of Instruction(2023) 32:11:1 – 32:11:4

Once the president decides, the four of them return to the high council room to share with the high counsellors and ask for their support of the decision. The individual is then brought back in, told the decision of the council. There will also be some guidance given for what the individual can do moving forward. That information will also be included in a letter that will be sent to the individual quickly after the council.

In my experience, this moment has always been very emotional, regardless of the decision. The members of the council have always shaken hands with, and most often hugged the individual to offer love and support after the council is over and the individual leaves. (In my case it was early on in the Covid-19 outbreak and distances were kept)

THE WAIT…

That night as I sat in that chair for my council, my mind wonders how it changes things with it now being just the four of them. Do I still have half of the men “defending” me? How strong are their connections to the one who was accusing me? Can they all be unbiased? If there is only one sitting there to defend me, would he be inspired enough to think of it from all the angles that previously six would be? Obviously my actions were sufficient that the stake president felt a council was necessary – but how severe would the decision be?

I did not watch the time, but it felt like thirty to forty-five minutes before being called back in. I walked in looking at the faces, trying to get a read on the outcome a few minutes before hearing the words. It was in vain. As the President started talking I just wanted him to jump up to what really mattered. Like a future missionary reading all the introductory stuff before actually stating the location and language of the mission that would completely encompass the next eighteen or 24 months of their life. Such a hinge point in their lives, and for those missionaries who hold faithful, it could go on to bless them eternally. As I write that analogy I see a parallel to what I was just beginning.

I was told it was the decision of the council that my membership would be withdrawn. 

A NEW PATH FOR ME

It was crushing. 

I knew individuals who had been through this outcome and it was kept very quiet, but I also knew there were people who were not going to let that be the case for me. I hurt family members and those I had served in my callings. I knew that testimonies would be questioned – and it was almost unbearable to think that someone might wonder if the Church is really the Lord’s Church because of me. Of course those two have no correlation, but I knew some would struggle with it. (I will have more to say on this in future posts) I recalled telling the Stake President weeks before the council that if he were to tell me I should go find a road to drive too fast on and not survive, I would do that for the Church’s reputation – and at the time I would have – but curiously I now felt a survivor instinct growing inside, and I felt there was something positive I could do through all this. I knew I would be shunned by some – but by who, and how many? (I will have more to say on how I handle this as well) 

In my head and heart was a combination of so many feelings; sadness, regret, embarrassment, numbness, and more – even Satan was tossing a few in there for me to process – but there was also the feeling that my Heavenly Father understood and still loved me. It was one feeling that was easily lost amid the others if not focussed on, but it became my lifeline. See post 29 – “Part 2 Repentance and Forgiveness – Have We Put the Cart in Front of the Horse”

The President said it would likely be a little over a year before I could apply for rebaptism, a few weeks later he told me that because I had been a bishop when everything blew up, I would have to wait at least five years.

As devastating as losing my membership felt, I decided then and there that I would do whatever I needed in order to be re-baptized, receive the blessings of the Priesthood, and re-enter the temple as soon as possible. I had served long enough as a bishop to know how the Lord feels about those who are willing to repent – whether they allow themselves to feel it or not. I was determined to not let the personal hurt overpower what I knew about the Savior Jesus Christ’s unconditional love for each one of us. 

But it still hurt.

And I have learned that’s ok.

* Please comment below – and follow me on Instagram at onesheep.blog to help me find others who have lost their membership!