27 – The Wait…featured

TICK… TICK… TICK…

It’s amazing how the hands on a clock spin much faster on a Saturday than on Monday at 2:00 in the afternoon. They also feel as though they spin much slower for a young man waiting just a few more months before his bishop sends in his mission application for assignment.

Those hands of time also seem to need some greasing when there is a young couple waiting on the bishop to tell them the date they can be sealed. It’s not that the bishop gets to choose the date for them, but he is a part of the repentance process for some transgressions that need to be taken care of before entering the temple.

WHAT THE BISHOP IS THINKING

As a bishop, that waiting period was no fun for me either. The people were anxious and eager to get on with life; it was a righteous desire to do the right things – a life including the covenants found in the House of the Lord. I was always concerned about helping the individual not lose focus on the righteous goal as those hours and days slowly passed.

The longer someone waits the easier it is for temptation or embarrassment to convince them it’s just not worth it – and they may give up. As a bishop, I felt it my role to try and help the individual stay focused. But if I allowed them to move forward before they had sufficiently repented, or grown, there was a real possibility that they would not be spiritually ready and not be able to truly appreciate and benefit from the temple experience. In that situation, they may not have developed the strength needed to continue to keep their covenants while facing future challenges and temptations. 

Frankly, while there is a danger in having someone go too early, great strength can be found in the temple for one who is prepared to be there. I recall one good man on the tail end of regaining control over a serious and decades-long pornography addiction. We got to the point where I felt clearly that he needed to be inside the temple to gain the strength he required in his battle. It took him a month or two longer to also feel he was ready for that step, and when he did go back, he was blessed for it. 

I have known several people who I thought were ready to return to temple attendance but who struggled with feeling worthy or ready. You and I may go through this same feeling as our time to be rebaptized or to return to the temple arrives. With this or any discussion regarding your personal readiness for important milestones on your covenant path, I would recommend you just be upfront with the bishop on what you are feeling and then prayerfully consider his counsel.

THE TEMPLE IS NOT THE CELESTIAL KINGDOM, BUT ITS ON THE PATH

Remember that the temple is not the Celestial Kingdom. You do not have to be perfected to enter. The temple is a place to draw closer to God and receive personal revelation in understanding God’s ways and how we can become more like Him. As you and I work on our ability to feel and recognize the Spirit in our lives today, and “non-members”, we are actually preparing ourselves for the blessings found in the House of the Lord tomorrow. (See Blog 9)

Whether the individual is waiting for formal restrictions to be lifted, to be rebaptized or to return to the temple, the bishop or stake president feels the weight of getting it right. 

YOU ASKED FOR IT

I think most individuals repenting of larger transgressions anticipate there will be a waiting period relating to their Church participation. This wait can range from not partaking of the Sacrament to waiting to be rebaptized – but for how long? Church leaders will often give a timeline to the individual – because individuals ask for a timeline. Three months. Six Months. A year. That number may come from the bishop, the stake president or the handbook. This number is often based on what that leader or the Church has seen in the past.

I have considered why I have been given a 5-year “sentence”. Is it because as bishop having lost my membership the members may have trouble seeing me rebaptized “too early”? Maybe. But that has a feel of the Church pandering to people who choose not to forgive when the Gospel of Jesus Christ clearly teaches theirs would be the greater sin. D&C 64:9 Perhaps the timing is to prevent a situation such as a stake president seeking to rebaptize a good friend too quickly as a favor rather than waiting to ensure that the repentance is complete. Perhaps it is to take the pressure off the stake president if the individual’s former bishop or others are trying to pressure the president to rebaptize him earlier. Or maybe there is something else in play.

I was not given a reason for my five year number and, trying to guess the reason without access to the experiences and understanding of those who made that decision, I only risk frustration. That frustration can lead to feelings that make things worse for my spirit and peace of mind. I choose to not let that happen to me.

So, the date gets marked on the calendar and the hands on that clock slowly and accusingly crawl around the face of the clock. 

NUMBERS ARE DISTRACTING

For many, that number can become a distraction from what really matters. The individual, if they are vocal enough, finds out someone in another ward or stake got a lower number. Some feel hurt by that while others get right offended. Sometimes a parent or other loved one gets impatient and starts to take up the wait-time issue with the leader. The focus can shift from repentance to seeking to avoid embarrassment. Both the individuals and the Church can take a few bruises because of those numbers.

The focus on a number is made yet more challenging when the individual is truly sorry for their past actions and feels forgiven by the Lord. The problem comes in thinking that feeling sorry while also feeling loved and forgiven by the Lord constitutes repentance. They do not. Going to your bishop and confessing that you robbed a store last week, but now feel bad and have already taken the money back does not constitute repentance completed – even if you can feel God’s love for you. My next post will focus more on the repentance and forgiveness relationship.

I have not repented until I have grown and changed. See blog 17 How can anyone put a number on the days or months it will take for that to happen? How much change is required before a bishop can feel comfortable that a missionary candidate is ready to make eternal covenants? Could that individual be making covenants that they come to regret, and even break themselves against later? 

Both the individual and the leader are mistaken if they stay beholden entirely to a date marked on a calendar. It can be motivating to set goals, but the date is a target, forgiveness is the motivator, and repentance – or growth and change – is the goal.

IS LIFE PASSING YOU BY?

It adds pressure for a prospective missionary when they watch their friends head off to the mission field. They may be calculating the starting date of college upon their return or coordinating their homecoming with that of another whom they would consider spending eternity with. For you and me, the concern might be missing a child’s temple sealing or that a spouse may not be willing to wait. But I think, no matter what point we are at in life, it is of greater value to take advantage of an opportunity to repent every time we identify one. Being right with God is more important than anything else. He has a way of making up for things we feel we have lost if we see the repentance through. Trust me on that.

Life is about becoming who we are here to become as daughters and sons of loving Heavenly Parents. It is not about the callings we have or the age we got them. In Matthew 20:1-16 Jesus tells the parable of the laborer. People were called at all hours of the day, and those who responded all received the same pay. That is a hard lesson for those who consider themselves more worthy of God’s love and forgiveness than another. For you and me, this parable is a message that God’s love and forgiveness are for everyone at any time, and those who respond and repent can still reach their full potential!

Still, the waiting can be difficult. Certainly, there are those who repent long before a policy-produced date on a calendar is achieved. We are at a time in the Church where Home and Visiting Teaching has elevated from a monthly checklist to Ministering, For the Strength of Youth has elevated from behavioral checklists to applying Gospel principles in decision-making for oneself. These and other Church policies are shifting to decisions being made in “higher and holier ways”. We may reach a point where the repentance process completion is identified more individually than by what a date determines, but that is simply not where we are today. Personally, I have chosen to move past fixating on all that.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I want to be baptized again. I want to be able to not only minister to others but to help them access the Priesthood gifts more directly. I want a calling. I want the blessings available only in the House of the Lord. I want to be sealed to my wonderful wife. But for now, I am waiting for a couple of dates, a date to be baptized and a date to return to the House of the Lord. As I wait, I am motivated by the love I feel from my Heavenly Father and the forgiveness I feel through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I am motivated to be a better man. I am motivated to learn what I came to earth to learn and become who I came to earth to become.

Because I have to wait anyway, I have decided to use this time to focus on my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I have found that makes all the difference in the world.