1 – This is How I Am Staying Active and Happy While Excommunicatedfeatured

“What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine and go into the wilderness after that which is lost, until he find it? And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbors, saying unto them Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost. I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.” (Luke 15:4-7 JST)

WHO AM I?

I am one sheep. 

I had been a lifelong member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have served a mission. I have been a Bishop three times in three different wards – and LOVED the ward members and bishop experience every time. 

Now I am simply one sheep. A sheep who lost his Church membership and is experiencing life and interaction with the Church in a whole new way. I sinned, my actions have hurt others, and I feel horrible for that. Not only have I lost my membership, but I have lost my wife, some of my family, friends, and much more. 

We all know the parable of the lost sheep. It’s not talking about traditional missionary work, it’s talking about when someone strays from the fold. About sheep who were once counted as faithful, but have “wandered off” in search of something more. Those reasons may be related to money, internal personal struggles, hurt feelings, status, new relationships, and the list goes on. The reasons may be rooted in sin, internal struggle, or simply losing focus on the Gospel of Jesus Christ and their personal relationship with our Heavenly Father. The reasons are as myriad as there are sheep, but they are individual and relevant to each of us.

TO THOSE IN CHURCH DISCIPLINE

In this blog I am speaking directly to those “sheep” who find themselves feeling outside the fold through Church discipline – be it Formal Membership Restriction (similar to what was once called disfellowshipped), or having their membership withdrawn (formerly called excommunicated).

You are one sheep cut off from the other ninety-nine. I can’t know exactly how you feel and think because I am not you, but I have an idea. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

It touched my heart when an individual who lost their membership while I was their bishop heard rumours about me losing mine, and called to offer support and an ear to bend should I ever want to talk. This individual had not returned to church activity, but still showed Christlike compassion in caring about me. They knew some of what I was experiencing. That phone call meant a great deal to me.

People have come out of seemingly nowhere to offer support, and to share that they have also walked this path. It has been surprising to me to learn there are people I have known for many years who have experienced this, and I had no idea! One even went on to be a bishop. I now know almost as many who have gone on to live fulfilling lives in the Gospel as those I know who went through ex-communication and never came back.

I was in a Sunday School lesson not long ago where the teacher shared a story relating to a time when he had been excommunicated. Several weeks later I approached him and asked if I could ask a few questions about that. His entire face changed when I told him I was currently on that path. I noticed an instant softness in his eyes. A very Christlike compassion enveloped me, and I felt understood, loved and safe – and this was the first conversation I had ever had with him.

A REASON FOR HOPE

I have discovered a special relationship we can develop with the Savior and others as we embrace this repentance process. The Atonement of Jesus Christ not only heals, it invites you in to what feels like a new level of connection with others, and a new view of life. I will share more in future blogs, but for now please trust me that working through this process of change and growth, as hard as some days are, is incredibly rewarding and worth the ride.

In the October 2022 Liahona article “The Everlasting Covenant”, President Russel M Nelson said:

 “Once we make a covenant with God, we leave neutral ground forever. God will not abandon His relationship with those who have forged such a bond with Him. In fact, all those who have made a covenant with God have access to a special kind of love and mercy. In the Hebrew language, that covenantal love is called hesed (חֶסֶד)

 Hesed has no adequate English equivalent. Translators of the King James Version of the Bible must have struggled with how to render hesed in English. They often chose “lovingkindness.” This captures much but not all the meaning of hesed. Other translations were also rendered, such as “mercy” and “goodness.” Hesed is a unique term describing a covenant relationship in which both parties are bound to be loyal and faithful to each other.

Because God has hesed for those who have covenanted with Him, He will love them. He will continue to work with them and offer them opportunities to change. He will forgive them when they repent. And should they stray, He will help them find their way back to Him.

Once you and I have made a covenant with God, our relationship with Him becomes much closer than before our covenant. Now we are bound together. Because of our covenant with God, He will never tire in His efforts to help us, and we will never exhaust His merciful patience with us. Each of us has a special place in God’s heart. He has high hopes for us…”

We do not lose God’s love or attention because we sinned! The covenant we entered with Him at baptism means we have “a special place in God’s heart”, and “He will “never tire in His efforts to help us, and we will never exhaust His merciful patience with us”! There may be others in the Church who write you off and use you as an excuse to hate and ridicule, but that speaks to their understanding of the Gospel of Jesus Christ – it does not have to be yours.

YOU’VE GOT THIS

My dear sister or brother who is reading this and currently going through Church discipline – whether you are under Formal Membership Restrictions, or have entirely lost your membership, please trust me that this quote of President Nelsons is true! I can testify to this! I have learned that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can take your membership, but you do not have to lose your relationship with Heavenly Father! You do not have to lose the miracle of spiritual experiences and guidance! God has NOT given up on you! Whether or not you feel anyone else helping you find your way back, God is!

I am naming this Blog “One Sheep” because you are also one sheep who is valuable to our Heavenly Father and loved dearly by our brother Jesus Christ. It is not my intention to teach how to repent as we should look to the scriptures and our own Bishop or Stake President for that. I will share the experiences I have had from both sides of the bishop’s desk that have helped me process the thoughts and emotions I have struggled with in rebuilding a relationship with our Heavenly Father (through the Atonement of Jesus Christ) and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I will detail how I am coping with “church culture”, people’s apathy (or aggression) and more. I am not looking for sympathy or justification in doing this, I simply want to help others who may be feeling alone. People who don’t feel right walking away from the Gospel of Jesus Christ or the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but have some frustrations to process. There is an incredible opportunity in front of you now, please don’t give up trying yet!

It is my hope and prayer that this blog will also be of benefit to those looking to understand better those who have lost their membership through a withdrawal of membership or excommunication. See post 41 – “I’d Rather be Excommunicated”. Perhaps this information can help people looking to minister to someone working through this misunderstood yet wonderful gift of repentance.

DISCLAIMER

* I have not been asked to do this by anyone and my thoughts are not necessarily those of the Church of Jesus-Christ of Latter-day Saints. This is an effort to share one way to process the experiences and feelings we may have while undergoing Church discipline.

**If others choose to read this, please try to read it through the eyes of one trying to repent, AKA closer align their heart and will to the will of our Heavenly Father through the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I do not write it to speak ill of anyone including leadership or members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is not about confessing sins or maligning anyone. This is a simple man’s effort to help others going through what may be the most difficult and rewarding experience of their lifetime – becoming who our Heavenly Father wants us to become. 

BLOG COMMENT RULES:

• The goal is to have material that allows the Spirit to edify and instruct individuals. Comments deemed to attack people including Church leadership will not be permitted.
• The goal is to seek understanding and application in a way that will allow the Spirit to teach clarity and Christlike attributes. Comments deemed to attack the doctrines of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, or the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will not be permitted.
• There are many sites on the internet for people to speak ill of the Savior Jesus Christ, His Church, or its doctrines and people. This little corner of the web is for people who don’t want to hurt anymore, but who want to heal. Trolling will not be permitted.